Collide
by silk1
Summary: A confrontation between Kate and Sawyer gets a little off track ...


Disclaimer: Not mine. J.J. is a genius and he owns them all.

Notes: My first LOST fic, a little Angst, a little fluff…..and a lot of Sawyer/Kate

The lyrics are taken from the Wonderful Song COLLIDE by Howie Day

COLLIDE

She had slapped him….Harder than she meant to. That´s how it started. One moment she had hit him across the face so hard her hand stung from the impact….the next he had just looked at her with that red spot blooming on his lip. Growing, growing until it had dropped down on his shirt.

_The Dawn is breaking_

_A light shining through _

_You´re barely waking_

_And I´m tangled up in you  
_

She didn´t even know ….how or why. Whatever he had said to make her so angry, it had not been particularly nasty….just him being …..Sawyer.

It had not warranted this reaction, but she had needed so badly to lash out, to give in outlet to all the turmoil. And he was there …always there, right in her face, not letting her get away …with anything.

For a moment, they had just stared at each other. Until he gave her that hard smile she had come to know.

"Feeling better now, Freckles?"

_But I´m open _

_You´re closed_

_I follow your ghost_

_I´worry I won´t see your face_

_Light up again_

It never ceased to amaze her that, with all the baggage he carried around, he always saw through her. Saw her. And that made mad and sad, so very often. He saw her …even when he was being a prick. Even then ….when he was her enemy, when they stood on different sides of some great divide….he was still the closest thing to kindred she might have on this Island. And sometimes, like now …she hated him for it.

"I´m sorry…" she said, her voice barely above a whisper. She reached out one hand to touch his split, but he caught her wrist in his hand with painful strength.

"Don´t …" he said with this raw voice. The pull came unexpected and it made her stumble against his chest just as he grabbed the back of her head and pressed his lips unto hers with a sharp hiss.

_Even the best fall down sometimes_

_Even the wrong words seem to rhyme_

_Out of the doubt that fills my mind_

_I somehow find _

_You and I collide_

She could feel her instincts war with each other inside her head. The one that wanted to wrangle free and take flight and the other one hungered for human contact she had been lacking for so long. There was something about him when he kissed her, had been there already when he had kissed her bound to that tree …a painful, desperate intensity that intoxicated her …called to her in a way that scared her….need recognizing need, pain recognizing pain. She had it in her, hidden away ….and he laid all that bare, just as she did with him. She tasted the blood as she reluctantly melted into him, meeting his tongue with hers with an angry sigh. She knew he'd half expected her to kick him in the balls.

_I'm quiet _

_You know_

_You make a first impression_

_But I found I'm scared to know_

_I'm always on your mind_

He hissed again, when her tongue probed the split in his lip carefully. She loved that sound …loved to know how much it affected him. Sawyer…..the guy who tried his best to show all the world how nothing affected him. She felt him letting go of her wrist, curving his arm around her waist instead, pulling her against him hard. He broke the kiss and her eyes snapped open to find him staring at her thoughtfully. He licked his lips….there was nothing to say …one word could shatter this tiny thread that connected them right now. He'd wanted to kiss her for a long time and he damn well was gonna take this chance now…..whoever knew if she'd ever let him this close to her again. After a minute….he lifted his arms, framing her face carefully, only nipping at her lips for a moment before turning the fleeting touch into a deep, languorous kiss. It had not been the roughness of him that scared Kate. She suddenly realized, while he pulled her closer, never stopping the kiss. It was the sudden sincerity of it, the fragility, the weakness, the unexpected tenderness. She didn't want that ….she could handle everything, but this she couldn't handle. His hands were exploring her back, her shoulders, roaming without rest and growing frenzy…..the feeing made her chest tight, ignited a little flame in her ribcage that could become a roaring fore in the blink of an eye. She had wondered ...what their first kiss would have been, had he been able to use hands. Now she knew …

_Even the best fall down sometime_

_Even the stars refuse to shine_

_Out of the back you fall in time_

_I somehow find_

_You and I collide _

She could hear her heartbeat quicken, her blood race through her veins….his hands slid down her waist, firmly grabbing her ass and pulling her almost off her feet. Kate gave a surprised gasp, finally grabbing on to his broad shoulders for support. Her hands slid into her hair and she took control of the kiss, giving as good as she got. Two could play this game…..

There was nothing …no birds, no sound from the jungle …nothing but their panting breaths, nothing but the feverish fumbling that almost made her laugh about the insanity of the whole situation. She pushed her hands underneath his shirt, lightly raking her nails over his chest ….

Her girlfriends would have stumbled all over themselves to get this close to a guy like him ...even with the shitty attitude….her girlfriends - back when she still had had friends, a family …a normal life. She gave a small sound, almost a sob, pulling at his shirt….this was madness, this was slouching towards Bethlehem …  
He was kissing her like he was going to drink her down like a big gulp of water.

_Don't stop here_

_I lost my place_

_I'm close behind_

His hands were in her hair, around her waist; on her back …it made her dizzy.

"You're gonna fuck me up ….aren't you?" she whispered, when his lips started to wander down her neck. It was a breathless whisper. "This is gonna fuck us both up."

The vibrations of his raw chuckle made her skin sing. He looked up, hands still firmly attached to her waist and the right side of her face.

"Ah, Freckles …" he answered her with his throaty whisper, so wry and painfully filled with self-mockery. "We´re both pretty much fucked up all already, don´t ya think?"

It was like being doused with ice-waters. It made her swallow and clench her lips together in an effort not to cry. How could he see so clearly …Having enough emotional scaring to recognize it in others …..

This was what they were doing, wasn't it? Every time they sparred with words…comparing wounds, comparing scars?

He had spoiled it now, he knew…..and a part of him was almost relieved. He did not know if he could have watched her ….looked into her eyes during …..

He knew he would have wanted too, but he also knew he'd not want her to see him so open, cause she'd look right down to the deepest caverns of him. And he could not have that….he could not even take a long hard look into them himself.  
Kate swallowed hard. For the first time in a long time she felt like crying ...not the silent way, but loud and angry, bawling her eyes out ….

She did not have to let him undress her to be naked in front of him, Kate told herself. He tilted his head to the side, watching her with narrowed eyes. And she could see it in him too…..She took his hand, tugging lightly, walking into him to rest her head on his shoulder, burying it in his neck. This one moment she would give herself, this one moment to be weak. He looked down at her head, at the dark hair still in that tight pony-tail and closed his arms around her. She seemed smaller like that, with her grief for once winning over all that bravado and strength. He wrapped his arms around her for her sake, just as much as for his own. He held her tightly, laying his head back, staring at the sky.

_Even the best fall down sometimes  
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme_

_Out of the doubt that fills your mind_

_You finally find_

_You and I collide_


End file.
